Avoiding Neuroticism While Playing JPOG

Useful tips for making the perfect slaught-i mean-theme park.

Avoiding Neuroticism While Playing JPOG

Unread postby messagefromdrsattler » Tue, 21st Jan 2014 23:52

  • Mute the SFX when the same bird call repeated 999 times makes you hear voices in your head
  • Don't even hatch a Dryosaurus. They're anorexic or suicidal, for some reason always dying of malnutrition.
  • Just ignore Dr. Grant to avoid being obsessive-compulsive about the best place to put your fossil hunting teams every time it chanes from "Good" to "Mediocre."
  • Research all the vaccines first so Ellie Sattler doesn't go menstrual on you because your dinosaur needs cough medicine. It doesn't matter if your visitors die in a tornado because there's no Visitor Shelter, or they're pissed off about being too stupid to bring umbrellas when the forecast is rain. As long as you don't have to hear, "are you going to DO something about this?!" 10 bloody times.
  • Plot the Safari path BEFORE planting Paleo Trees.
  • Lures turn your dinosaur into a drug-addicted idiot. Don't research or buy them.
  • If you want to change the landscape, exercise patience while your cows and goats completely ignore the fact that you can't build mountains on top of them.
  • Avoid caring what the entertainment ratings on your attractions change to every time a dinosaur walks 10 meters away from it.
  • Remember, no one cares if a Cleaner dies. So feed them to your carnivores to boost your entertainment ratings.
Remember that chap about twenty years ago? I forget his name. Climbed Everest without any oxygen, came down nearly dead. When they asked him, they said why did you go up there to die? He said I didn't, I went up there to live.
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